Transcend
by forensics226
Summary: She just wants to do so much, say so much. Sometimes the body can say things that words never could. Calzona.


Frustrated.

That's what she is right now. She's aggravated, annoyed, upset. Everything just has her feeling so _frustrated_.

They were supposed to be moving forward. Trying again. Making this work. But it's just all so _hard_. They can't agree on anything, talk about anything. They couldn't even have a conversation before tearing at each other's throats and she's sick of it. She's frustrated and angry, tired, hopeful and hurt, in love and annoyed and...

She just wants to _do_ so much, _say…_ _so much_.

She wanted to sit down and just tell her wife about her day, about the breakthrough that they had in the lab today. She wanted to see how the bridal shower went, wanted to ask her how her leg was doing, ask if it was hurting at all, wanted to scream and wonder how things got so screwed up. She wanted to know if she saw that she was _trying_, that she was trying so hard, but that it's just...she's just...they're just...

She wanted to look at her and ask her how it had been so easy for her to sleep with another woman when she had been home, struggling to put her life back together, struggling to make sense of everything. She wanted to grab her and hold onto her, just hold on to her and not let go. She wanted to say sorry for being so short with her earlier, wanted to cry because this- them arguing, screaming at each other-was never supposed to be their life. This was never supposed to be them.

But yet here they were, going in circles again about who knew what, and all she can think about is Becca and about thinking and trying too much, about over-thinking and feeling and-

She doesn't want to think about talking. She didn't want to talk anymore, or think. She missed her. She missed her wife, and she wanted her back. She wanted _them_ back. She wanted to feel her. She wanted to kiss her. She _needed_ to kiss her.

So she did.

And standing there, being there in their living room, in their home, in her arms, it was like there was no one else in the world. Like there was nothing else in the world. It didn't feel like they were strangers, like they were two disconnected people trying to re-share a life, a home, a bed. It didn't feel they were two people trying to climb this impossible mountain back to each other.

It felt like they were them again, like she was Callie, Arizona's wife and partner. Her lover. And no talking is necessary. When she looks back at her, in those eyes, at that look, that smile, she feels this pounding in her chest, feels that familiar somersault that only seems to happen when she's with her. And just like that, she wants.

She wants to love, to feel, to taste.

When their lips come together again, they kiss slowly, tenderly. They savor because this hasn't happened, hasn't really happened in a while. In between board duties, intense cases and what happened with the baby, with their baby (_Oh God_...) there hasn't been this, just this. They kiss slowly, gently, in the middle of their living room, reacquainting themselves with each other. Her neck feels soft beneath her hands and she anchors herself to her, steeps herself in the feel of her soft blonde hair over her fingers, in the way that her scent fills her nose and clouds her senses.

_I miss you_.

Her thumbs swipe her cheeks as they sway. The feel of her under her hands-the familiar contours of her lips, the soft puff of air that she feels as they change angles-go straight to her head.

_I feel you._

She feels the hands on her arms move, traveling over the fabric of her shirt, downward. They move steadily down to her hips and stay there for support. Her thumbs slip under her shirt and rub small circles under her skin. Each circle sends a wave of warmth through her body. Her spine tingles. She arches her back at her touch and moves into her. They both groan as they bodies come into full contact with each other. She can feel Arizona's nipples harden underneath her own and just like that, she doesn't just want.

She _needs_.

Her hands slip into Arizona's hair and hold on tightly as they push against each other frantically. Their tongues are dueling, dancing, and she breaks away with a gasp, searching for air, as the hands under her shirt slide from her sides up, up to her back. She feels Arizona suck her bottom lip into her mouth and she grips her hair. She lets her lip go with a small pop as she pulls her closer and it's all she can do to swallow the moan that comes from Arizona's throat. It feels like her body is on fire. She isn't sure how they've ended up against the wall, but she presses Arizona close into its hard surface and now there is no space in between their bodies. She groans low in her throat.

_I need you_.

Arizona arches into her and she feels her lips on her neck, tracing gently with her tongue. Callie shudders slightly as she feels her suck on her pulse point, and she moves her hands to the neck of the pretty blue shirt that Arizona had put on when she'd come home She feels a dark thrill as it rips apart under her hands. Arizona jerks upward, in shock. Callie bends her face toward the thin cotton bra that has been hiding underneath. She lashes at her nipples with her tongue, flicking already taut points to attention. The moan above her head is guttural and filled with need and she swirls her tongue around a nipple, teasing it mercilessly through the soft material. Arizona arches even higher against her with her hands lost in her dark hair. She tugs her upward, out of breath, and plunges her tongue into her mouth for a bruising, desperate kiss. Arizona's hands slip back under her shirt and expertly unhook her bra. Without bothering to do anything further, her fingers move around to grip her breasts and Callie moans low in her throat, feeling each flick of her nipples deep in her core. Arizona's hands shift to tug at the sensitive points and she can feel herself throbbing against confines of her jeans, the sensations sending pulses of pleasure to her clit. Callie surges forward and slips her right leg in between Arizona's. Her hands slip from her breasts to her back, as her head falls backward into the wall with a thunk. Callie pushes her thigh into her core firmly, unrelentingly. The strangled sound that Arizona makes sings through her as she pounds her into the wall. Callie arches into her as she feels the sting of nails travel down her back, and bending forward, sucks hard at the creamy neck in front of her.

_Mine_.

The pace is frantic and she knows that Arizona is close, can feel that she's close and she wants to see her go over. She wants to see her lose control, see her and know, know that she's the one that's making her lose control. That she's the one taking here there. She wants to see her eyes go blind. She pushes the pace of her thigh and hears Arizona moan low in her ear, her blue eyes drifting shut. Callie grabs her chin, willing for her eyes to open.

_Look at me._

Blue eyes look into hers, breathless, wordless for one moment, then another, and then she feels a hand slip down, roughly in between them. Arizona's fingers rub over her, over the inseam of her jeans and she moans loudly, bucking frantically. She feels the other hand slip around to her butt and pull her in closer to her moving hand. Callie surges forward, pressing unrelentingly on Arizona's core and closes her eyes, lost in sensation. She hears a strangled moan in her ear as Arizona comes against her, her body grinding against hers spastically and the added pressure on her clit makes her fall apart. She comes, hard and falls forward, completely pinning Arizona against the wall. Her legs feel boneless and she knows that she's going to fall onto the floor. Just when she fills herself about to slide, Callie feels hands on her back, moving gently, soothing, and she closes her eyes. Slowly, Arizona begins to turn them. The movement causes her to slip, but she manages to catch herself and successfully pins Callie against the wall, effectively holding her up. Callie's hands instinctively move to her hips for support, holding loosely, but steadily as Arizona tries to regain her equilibrium against her, her arms braced behind them, against the wall.

Somewhere distantly, she can hear a phone ringing in another room. She hopes that it's not the hospital because there was no way that she'd be able to get to the phone any time soon. She remembers vaguely that she's not on-call and releases a sigh of relief. Her hands start to move on their own accord, rubbing Arizona's hips, soothing her as their breathing slows down. Against her, she feels Arizona begin to move again, kissing her neck slowly, lingeringly. Her lips travel down her neck to her collarbone. She feels her tongue trace the bone there and hears a soft moan when they reach her sternum. Callie murmurs softly when she feels her place a kiss there, and opens her eyes when she feels hair being brushed from her face. They look at each other. Arizona shakes her head slightly. She opens her mouth-

Outside, a door slams down the hall, and the landing fills with sound from the family down the hall. Across the room, they hear a slight whimper. Callie turns her eyes away to their daughter's door before looking back at the blonde in front of her. Arizona closes her eyes and smiles gently. She backs away, slowly, and makes her way toward Sofia's room.

The room feels cool and empty without her body in front of hers. She pushes against the wall and moves toward their bedroom. The air awakens the scratches on her back. Turning on the light near the wall, she moves toward a dresser and takes out a candle lighter. She lights a few of the candles around the room, walking slowly, taking her time. She ends up back at the dresser, and her eyes fall upon the frames there, at pictures, moments captures from what feels like another life. She places the lighter down and closes her eyes.

Even though it's been months since they've been together, even though it's been months and weeks since they shared something so intimate, so visceral, she senses her when she walks into the room. She feels it in the way that the back of neck tingles, in the way her breathing speeds up. She feels it in the essence of her being. She doesn't need to open her eyes to know that Arizona has turned off the light, leaving the room bathed by the light of the candles. She doesn't need to open her eyes to know that she is closing their bedroom door, or to know that her eyes were burning a blue that she couldn't even begin to describe but knew as well as she knew her own name.

Together or not, she figures that on some level, her body will always know hers, that on some level, she will always know Arizona, love her.

Callie feels Arizona's hands rest on her hips and she sighs deeply. She can feel her forehead resting against her back, in-between her shoulder blades. The room feels warm, full again, and they sway slowly, eyes closed. Arizona's hands move upward, toward the bottom of her shirt and she helps her take it off, the discarded garment falling to the floor near their feet. She raises her hands so that they are parallel to the floor, and feels Arizona slide the straps of her bra down her arms, hears the sounds that it makes as it drops to the floor. She can feel her lips moving gently over her back, gently soothing the marks that she had left there as they sway and sway. She feels her cheek rest there.

Arizona's hands are on her breasts now, not teasing, but massaging gently, tenderly. Her hands move from her breasts over her stomach, swiping gently, once, twice, before they descend lower. Left hand splayed on her stomach, her right hand slides downward toward her jeans and cups her gently. Her own hand slides downward and she holds her hand in place as she arches into her. She can feel how wet she is again, can feel the kisses being scattered across her back and she aches. The warm hand on her stomach moves downward to unbutton her pants. At the feel of hand against her jeans, Callie turns around, hands reaching and stops short.

Arizona's shirt is in tatters, hanging in two sections off of her shoulders. She laughs gently at the sight, and her wife joins in, their light laughter flowing through the room. Moving slowly, she can feel the soft sigh Arizona makes as she moves forward and her bare breasts come into contact with her chest. She reaches behind her to unclasp the back of the ruined shirt and tugs it to the ground. Her hands drift a little lower to unclasp the blonde's bra, and she eases back, drawing the undergarment back with her. Her breasts, full and soft, look rosy under the light of the candles.

_You're beautiful._

Her eyes drift downward and she stops short. Before everything, before the miscarriage, before the storm, they had gotten to a place where things between them hadn't been tense. To a place where they had just been able to love other each other. And even then…

She tries to push away the memories of the past. She pushes away that small trickle of guilt that has never seemed to go way since the plane, pushes away at the guilt, the heartbreak and sadness, and pushes away at the helpless anger and the fury that had grown a little since the storm, wanting to be in the present. She looks downward at the symbol of everything their life had become in the last year. She looks down at the strength at the woman in front of her, at this woman, this woman that she loved. The swirls of emotions are there, the angry and brutal emotions and the softer, docile ones, but for right now, they are simply overshadowed by love.

_So beautiful._

Her eyes drift back upward. Arizona's eyes are dark and unreadable in the faint light. She reaches downward, slowly, but Arizona backs away smoothly to sit the edge of their bed. She strips off her pants, then her leg, slowly, efficiently, and leans backward, supporting herself on her elbows. She feels her throat tighten. Arizona closes her eyes and lies backward. Callie lifts her hands to her pants and drops them to the floor.

The air in the room feels thick and heavy, as soft wax drips downward. Time has slowed down, no longer made up of little moments, but instead of one large one, of one moment spun into an endless experience. She moves toward the bed and joins her, lying by her side. Arizona is staring unblinkingly at the ceiling.

She slowly cups her cheek, ignoring the small jump in response and kisses her softly. She doesn't respond. Her eyes close again. Callie leans her forehead against hers and takes a breath to steady herself. Their bodies come into contact, full contact and her breath hitches. Arizona's eyes come open at the sound and they come into contact with her own. They stare at each other. The candles in the room sink lower in their handles.

She feels herself slowly being rolled on her back and finds Arizona on top of her. Arizona shifts so that her right leg is on the bed, next to her own left leg, and her left thigh is on the other side. Her hand moves automatically to her hip for support. Arizona traces a hand over her cheeks, her lips, and she closes her eyes. She feels her lips move softly over her face, as she peppers soft kisses over her—on her forehead, her cheeks, her nose. She feels her place soft reverent kisses on her eyelids, which were still a bit tender and irritated from the crying she had done earlier. She moves her head downward to kiss her chin, her neck. It's slow, careful.

_Callie._

As her hands knead everywhere that they can reach- her calves, her thighs, her hips- Arizona's mouth roams lower, over her collarbone and onto her chest. She arches upward slightly as she kisses one breast. Arizona moves about her breast slowly, peppering small, wet kisses around her nipple before making her way to the other breast. Her breathing deepens when she moves back toward the center of her chest, nudging and kissing the long incision scar left there from years ago. Her breathing slows when she kisses her way down her body, down, down, all the way down to the scar that had been left by Addison when she had had to cut their baby out of her after the accident.

_I'm sorry._

Her tongue dips down slightly and she shivers; the sensation warm against her skin. Callie instinctively widens her legs. After traveling downward for a bit, she feels Arizona's mouth move upward to her chest and stop. She lays a warm kiss over her heart.

Callie shakes her head, overcome. Her hands move downward to cup Arizona face, bringing her forward to her lips. Callie sighs faintly into her mouth as the hand finally dips lower to the place that she needs her most. A finger parts her folds and runs through her wet slit, up and down, up and down, teasing before traveling upward to lightly circle her clit. She bucks forward, but before she can move her hand downward to help, to add pressure, to do _something_, the finger trails downward again and enters her up to the first knuckle. She moans loudly, closing her eyes. The finger eases out, and continues to stroke her, up and down. Callie's hands grasp for the bed.

The finger fills her partway again—only this time to the second knuckle. Her breathing is shallow and she doesn't have to look downward to see how wet she is. Arizona's breath is harsh in her ear as her finger eases out again to massage her folds. Her lower body arches upward at the loss instinctively, looking, aching for more. Arizona pushes her back down gently and kisses her. She kisses her back sloppily, unable to think, unable to concentrate, to breathe. She thinks that she's going to go crazy unless-

Without warning, as Arizona's palm grinds down on her clit, rubbing furiously. She comes hard, hands gripping the bedspread, body arched in the air. Arizona keeps rubbing, not letting her relax, and she comes again quickly, helpless against all of the sensation. She stares up at the ceiling, breathless, as Arizona rubs her gently, bringing her down. Callie nuzzles her nose against hers as her breathing slows, turning slightly to kiss the corner of her mouth. She sighs softly when Arizona enters her with one finger, moving slowly. Her hands move upward, exploring the woman in front of her.

She's a little smaller than she remembers. _She's lost so much weight_, she thinks, as she traces a finger across her collarbone. They both have in the last few months. Her hands trail lower and finally touch the creamy breasts in front of her. Arizona moans as she fills her hands with them, squeezing gently, tweaking already taut nipples into sharp pink points. The finger inside her retreats from her body before being joined by another. She arches into the movement and her hands drift down and around, to grip Arizona's back. She feels wetness on her leg from her wife's core, and moves her hand down her back, to cup her behind. Arizona moans at the added friction, her fingers speeding up slightly as she instinctively grinds down onto her wife. Her strangled groan fills the air.

Her hand travels down, to rest on Arizona's thigh for better leverage, but Arizona grinds into her and swipes her clit, rendering her thoughtless. Breathing heavily, she feels Arizona's right hand shift and grab her left one. She feels her pin her hand above her head, her fingers brushing against thin metal, against the ring that she recently put back on. Callie reaches downward again, but she feels Arizona shaking her head frantically and feels a sharp stinging sensation as she nips her lip.

_Don't._

Callie shakes her head in response. Her hand moves over her leg up her body, and rests for a second over her belly. She feels her pained gasp, the shake of her head, and moves up over her body to her neck. Arizona's moving frantically against her, inside of her, trying to drive them up, drive them over and away. Callie shakes her head again. She kisses her everywhere that she can reach—her face, her neck, her chest. Arizona shakes her head, fighting, pulling away, avoiding. Callie breaks free of her grasp and cups her face with her hands.

_Feel._

Quickly moving downward, Callie grasps Arizona's hips and rolls them over. Straddling the blonde's right leg, she grips Arizona's left hand with her right. She lowers her forehead to Arizona's and exhales softly.

_Just feel._

She slips into her and swallows the choked sob that comes from Arizona's lips. Pulling out, she pushes back in, adding another finger. She can feel the metal of Arizona's ring on her back. She closes her eyes briefly at the familiar feeling.

_Just feel me. Feel us. _

Brown eyes open and on hers, she thrusts, backing each stroke with her thigh. The sensation sends tendrils of pleasure to her core, as she rubs desperately against Arizona's thigh.

_Feel._

The lights flicker even lower. Callie moves against Arizona frantically, her hand pumping inside of her wife, and she can feel her muscles hugging her, drawing her in deeper. Even in shadow, she can the brilliant blue of Arizona's eyes, and she feels it, finally feels it when she lets go. Arizona moans deeply and she feels it deep in her chest, in her heart, as if the sound had come from her. She bends closer. When their eyes connect, Arizona moves her hand from her back to cup her cheek and she knows that she is with her. She can feel that she is with her. The hand trails downward in between them and finds its way home within her. And for the first time in what feels like forever, it doesn't feel like they are Arizona and Callie, separate parts of a ticking machine. Instead, they feel in sync, like they are extensions of each other, a unit, and this, all of this, is just _them_. It's just them, together. Callie leans her forehead and they kiss deeply, connected in every way now.

She hears a strangled moan low in Arizona's throat and she knows that she is close. She nuzzles her nose with her own, her breath hitching as she feels her body beginning to seize.

_Come with me._

When release finally washes over them, hand in hand, she watches Arizona's blue eyes go blind in the half-light. Completely undone, Callie rests her face on her wife's chest. Arms come around her, rubbing her back. She closes her eyes.

A couple of the candles have gone out, completely guttered. She lies on her back, with Arizona at her side, and breathes deeply. Arizona inches downward. Callie feels her lips on her chest. Her tongue travels downward slightly before traveling upward and curving. She whimpers slightly when she realizes that she's made a heart in the place where her necklace used to lay. Blue eyes look into hers.

_I love you._

Callie looks into her eyes and knows that they need to talk. That they needed to air everything out between them —all of the emotions, all of the feelings- if they had a shot at making this work. But maybe they could do it. Maybe they could be those two people who transcended through those insurmountable barriers, who climbed that mountain back to each other. Maybe.

She kisses her softly and brushes the hair out of her face. The sounds of their heartbeats lull them to sleep in the safety of their own home. Together.

_I love you too._

* * *

So...

This was really hard.

I haven't seen the finale yet, and this isn't in any way canonical, but I just wanted to try writing something. I think that there's a lot happening here-lust, guilt, some anger and frustration, insecurity, love, and a whole bunch of other emotions- and my hope was to try and capture at least a few of them honestly within this story. I'm not completely sure if I achieved what I wanted to here, but I'm glad that I wrote it, and I wanted to post it anyway before I chickened out. Canon, mistakes, and my insecurities aside, I hope that you enjoyed it.

In terms of my uncompleted story (Moments in Time), I just want to say that I haven't forgotten about it, and the next couple of chapters (definitely 4 and 5- 6 too, if i can manage it) will be coming out soon.

Thank you so much for reading.


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